little red journal

May 24

RED
no more shrinking, facing
with a [RED] heart beating strong, facing
the world, swallowing
my heart, opening
my eyes, flashing
beaming
RED

My life is a series of quick ups and downs, moments of fleeting confidence and love, abysmal depths of insecurity Sometimes I smile just basking in the warm sun in just being me, enjoying being me I laugh Sometimes I fade The ground I walk on is not constant I feel it drop into black beneath me when I need it but by then I don’t feel the need to want it I let myself sink Sometimes the clouds in front of my eyes clear, sometimes I’m okay being alone sometimes I obsess sometimes I don’t think at all I just want clarity and creativity, sun and magic, clouds and a breeze, the moon, the sky I want strength and breath, I want peace of mind but I want FIRE I want RED I need to awaken a me that is sleeping, dormant but always there, behind a front of fear or something else I am sending out words that are true(as true as words can be)How can I be true in this world and know what is right?
How can I be as true as this page?
How can I be as true as this book?

Clouds in the sky like the
ghosts of distant mountainscapes, a pause,
a fogginess of mind: a cause,
a factor in silence

In my head mountainscapes bloom in vast
skies, snowy tips in clarity —-

Turn my eyes from kaleidoscope lids
to shifting skies in a windows-view —-

[I can only communicate this to you here and I hope I do well

Feb 20

I want to be the spindles
of light that reach and spread
from the concentrated bulb of the
lamppost

That thing you know is beauty and you
want to hold it and keep it forever —-

That thing that slips away —-

Maybe someday you will be it.
Maybe to someone you already are.

Feb 11

If you look to the sky you can see

more

A canvas for things without names in

language

Feb 05

Dreamless(?) eyes
look out the window at the trees
passing by —- diverging arms reaching, tangling —-


a one-eighty degree view of a spinning motionless tree.


Embraced by each body of
flaking bark,

Awakened with every rotation of a
grounded
tree
-

Jan 01

I feel a loss.

a film over my vision i
feel a loss of something i
may ormay not have had i
may ormay not have believed i had

the worlds a flat picture as flat and
 dull and the emotional landsape influencing it.

Dec 26

    —-trees that hold hands and grow

together,       this tree      reaches      out

its boughs   and touches   none

—-two   people sit
quietly

 t    r
o      e 
 g    h
   e t

-this one   gazes   out
afraid to
connect; eyes
wild
and mind
loud.

Dec 12

but when I see the moon—-
but when I see the moon up there—-

Dec 07

I hope to see you again.
in a moment of navigating this world

alone,
again